In India, weddings celebrate love and togetherness and are known for their grandeur—lavish décor, stunning outfits, and endless photo sessions. But one sentiment that plays out, is Perfectionism. Everything needs to be perfect – Clothes, Jewellery, Décor and even bodies. Everything is under a magnifying glass, and people think it is their right to comment on anything perceived imperfect.
Here, the harmful tradition of casual commenting on people’s weights, especially teenagers whose bodies and sense of self are still developing, play out openly and often unchecked.
Examples of comments framed as advice:
- “You’ve gained weight, haven’t you?”
- “You were so thin as a child, what happened?”
- “Better lose weight if you want boys to look at you.”
- Good you’ve gained some weight, earlier you looked like a hanger.”
- “Please see a dermatologist, you’ve got too many pimples.”
- You’ll look much better if you lose some weight.”
- “You’re eating that? Shouldn’t you be cutting carbs?”
This list can go on and on. These statements that are often said “jokingly” or “with concern”, can have serious impacts on a teens’ sense of self.
“Research shows that when adolescents are constantly evaluated on their appearance, they internalize these judgments, leading to a fragmented sense of self (Grabe, Ward, & Hyde, 2008).”
Hearing a comment about their weight, especially in public, can make them feel immediate shame and embarrassment. The increase in self-doubt can lead to lowered confidence and they might socially isolate themselves or dread family gatherings to avoid more comments. This over time translates into not liking their body, or feelings of not being good enough.
Constant criticism or comparison with others reinforces the belief that their self- worth is tied to their appearance. Wanting to “fix” their body quickly to avoid future remarks, teens may engage in unhealthy food restrictions, puking after eating, developing negative self-talk or an unhealthy relationship with food.
Together, let us break this cycle of body shaming.
- If they have gained or lost weight, trust me, they know. You do not need to point it out.
- Compliment teens on qualities beyond appearance, like intelligence, creativity or sense of humour.
- Be mindful of your language on food, appearance and weight. Even seemingly harmless jokes can cause long term self-esteem issues.
- Promote body neutrality at home. Talk openly about how bodies change, and that their bodies do a lot for them and every body type deserves the same respect.
- Speak up (gently) when others body shame.
And what if the aunties (or uncles) won’t stop?
Let’s be real, perfectionism is inbuilt in the Indian culture and it might not be possible to change everyone. Teens cannot always control what others say, and it is natural for them to have an emotional reaction towards it. But they can control (or at least influence) how much those words enter your space. Teens, remind yourself that your body is not public property, and no one has the right to define your worth.
Reference :
Grabe, S., Ward, L. M., & Hyde, J. S. (2008). The role of the media in body image concerns among women: A meta-analysis of experimental and correlational studies. Psychological Bulletin, 134(3), 460–476. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.134.3.460
